jokes thread

[savage hamsters]

An Englishman an Australian and a Frenchman were sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them.

The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, So for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The Australian was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back. This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Frenchman was next up. After watching the Australian in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Frenchman was soon led away whimpering loudly (as they do).

The Englishman was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", The Englishman replied.
"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave". The Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face.

"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish, what is it to be?" the Sheikh asked.

"Tie the Frenchman to my back."

[CoverlessCam]

haha thats a good one.

[savage hamsters]

if anyones got any other jokes feel free to post them here and make my day just that little bit better

[Sgt FairyCake]

[quote="savage hamsters"]if anyones got any other jokes feel free to post them here and make my day just that little bit better[/quote]

my jokes well better listen to this **WARNING** read with caution you will pee yourself with laughter!

Two oranges walk into a bar, one says to the other ''Your Round''

[savage hamsters]

thats the most stupid joke ever but i still laughed lol

right here we go

theres an englishman irishman and a scotsman, they all had to throw something out of a plane so the englishman threw out a stick went down to see where it landed and there was a little boy crying.
the scotsman threw out a stone went down to see where it landed and there was a little girl crying.
and the irishman threw out a bomb went down to see where it landed and there was a little boy laughing, they asked the boy why he was laughing and he replied "i just farted and my house blew up"

[Sgt FairyCake]

[quote="savage hamsters"]thats the most stupid joke ever but i still laughed lol

right here we go

theres an englishman irishman and a scotsman, they all had to throw something out of a plane so the englishman threw out a stick went down to see where it landed and there was a little boy crying.
the scotsman threw out a stone went down to see where it landed and there was a little girl crying.
and the irishman threw out a bomb went down to see where it landed and there was a little boy laughing, they asked the boy why he was laughing and he replied "i just farted and my house blew up"[/quote]

haha classic

[savage hamsters]

the joke you said is nearly as stupid as:
a man walks into a bar "ouch" and
why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers...... in case he got a hole in one

[Sgt FairyCake]

[quote="savage hamsters"]the joke you said is nearly as stupid as:
a man walks into a bar "ouch" and
why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers...... in case he got a hole in one[/quote]

You know you loved my joke really don't deny it babe

XxX

[savage hamsters]

haha it was stupid but kinda funny at the same time so in some way i liked it

[Sgt FairyCake]

[quote="savage hamsters"]haha it was stupid but kinda funny at the same time so in some way i liked it[/quote]

hehe see told ya u loved it you on live hun???

XxX

[savage hamsters]

just a tad
an yeah im on live

[Sgt FairyCake]

As i was walking threw Earls Court,
Into a pub i was lured,
Were a nosey pom sed where you from,
As i downed the amber fluid,
I said get it straight i'm an ozzy mate,
And i'm fixing to get plastered,
But the beer is crook and the birds all look like you ya pommy b*****d

[savage hamsters]

haha i shall do a little rhyme not a joke though

one fine day, in the middle of the night
two dead men, got up to fight
back to back, they faced each other
drew there swords, and shot each other

spider spider on the wall
you think your smart you know f*ck all
your on a wall thats just been plastered
now your stuck you stupid b*stard

the adams family started when uncle fester farted
he farted through the keyhole and paralyzed the cat
the cat got all excited and shouted man united
then man united shouted the adams family
dum dum

plus i have no idea how a cat can shout whilst paralyzed

[Sgt FairyCake]

[quote="savage hamsters"]haha i shall do a little rhyme not a joke though

one fine day, in the middle of the night
two dead men, got up to fight
back to back, they faced each other
drew there swords, and shot each other

spider spider on the wall
you think your smart you know f*ck all
your on a wall thats just been plastered
now your stuck you stupid b*stard

the adams family started when uncle fester farted
he farted through the keyhole and paralyzed the cat
the cat got all excited and shouted man united
then man united shouted the adams family
dum dum

plus i have no idea how a cat can shout whilst paralyzed[/quote]

teehee ur funny

XxX

[savage hamsters]

i will try an find another good joke later

[CoverlessCam]

Three women left separately after a very late night out drinking Guinness until the early hours. They met the next day for an early pint, and compared notes about who had been the most drunk.

The first gal claims that she was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home, walked into the house, and as soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks".

To which the second gal replied, "You think that was drunk? I got in my car, drove out of the parking lot, and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have insurance!"

And the third proclaimed, "I was by far the most drunk. I got home, I go in a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over and burned the whole house down!"

They all looked at each other for a moment. Then the first gal says: "Ladies, I don't think you understand. Chunks is my dog."

[savage hamsters]

haha nice

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